1) Doctor : "What would you do first if you caught Rabies?"
Trainee Nurse : "First of all I'll bite my mother in law".
2) An actress was filling up a form. There was a column in the form where one was required
to state marital status," Married / Unmarried".
And she wrote: "Occasionally Married".
3) "My wife has the worst memory".
"Does she forget everything?"
"No, She remembers everything".
4) Wife: "Have you bought hankies for me?"
Wife: "But, Why?"
Husband: "You never gave me the size of your nose!!".
5) Sita: "What do you use to clean utensils?"
Geeta: "I have tried several things but I have found my husband is the best thing".
6) Mother : "What are you writing Ram?"
Ram : "I'm writing a Letter to Baby Sham"
Mother : "But you don't know to write!"
Ram : "So What?, Anyway Sham don't know to read, That's why".
7) Father : "Idiot. How dare you scold your Mother?"
Son : "Don't feel Jealous, since you can't do that".
8) Watchman : "Police will catch if you Urinate here"
Small Boy : "But What are they going to do with my Urine".
9) Two students of second standard didn't know if trousers were singular
or plural. After thinking for very long time they decided, "Singular above and plural below".
10) Old woman : "Doctor I have severe pain in my right leg".
Doctor : "That is due to old age".
Old woman : "But both of my legs are of the same age".
Doctor : ?!
11) A Doctor had an urgent phone call from a man saying his small son had swallowed his pen.
Doctor : "All right! I"m coming soon, But what are you doing in the mean time?"
Man : "I'm using a pencil".
12) A little girl went to the school for the first time. Her Teacher told her that if
she wanted to go to the Toilet she should raise her index finger. The girl looked
puzzled and asked, "How that's going to stop it?"
13) Sita : "How old is your Sister?"
Geeta : "Twenty five"
Sita : "But she says that she is twenty"
Geeta : "She is also right, She learnt counting only at the age of five".
14) Teacher : "Why is honesty the best policy?"
Student : "Because there is hardly any competition".
15) Nurse : "Wake up man"
Patient : "Why what's the matter"
Nurse : "Nothing, I just forgot to give the prescribed sleeping pills".
16) Uncle : "When were you born?"
Child : "20th August, by the way when were you born uncle?"
Uncle : "It was fourty years ago, on a Sunday"
Child : "Don't try to befool me, Sunday is a holiday".
17) Mother : "Eat bananas with milk, it will add colour to your face"
Daughter : "But who wants yellow cheeks or a white face".
18) X : "What happened when you teased that girl with the dog?"
Y : "She crossed me as if I were a lamp post but her dog didn't."
19) Teacher : "What is the best way to prevent milk from getting sour?"
Student : " The best way is to leave it in the cow itself."
20) Thief 1 : "The police has come, they are already in the lift, let us jump down through the window"
Thief 2 : "No, no we are in the 13th floor"
Thief 1 : "Hey come on man Don't be Superstitious".
21) Teacher : " Isn't it amazing how chicks come out of the eggs?"
Student : " It's more amazing how they get in."
22) Father(angrily):"You are fit for nothing, How long can one live without brains?"
Son : "I don't know, by the way how old are you father?"
23) Son : "Mummy, am I descended from a monkey?"
Mother : "I don't know, Ravi. I never met your father's people".